Fiction. Or is it!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Dear neighbour,
Early this morning ‘Apocalypse Soon!’ was announced after ‘Sugar is Killing Us All’ on the History Channel. Please join me in The New World. A minivan will come Sunday. Tony is bringing snacks, and a Beatles song appointed him Divine Leader. He’ll explain in the car.
We met once on the stairs? There was a fire? I made tuna melts and called an ambulance. I’m not allergic to fish anymore. At least, I don’t think so. I’ve stockpiled on sardines. It’s fine because Tony did medicine at Oxford and brought 20 people back to life. Plus an angel revealed humankind’s mysteries to him. It’s on his iPad. You can check it out at the bunker.
Please bring bedding and baby clothes.
p.s. can you think of anyone with a supply of non-perishables interested in spiritual cleansing?
All the best,
Kate
Hi,
I have tea towels not baby clothes. That ok? Who’s going? Is the diet calorie-controlled? Will the women be slim but endowed in areas like the breasts? I’ll bring my ex-wife’s make-up.
I’ve got tomato sauce (Heinz brand), noodles, Oreos, Oreo cereal, Cadbury cream eggs, donuts, apple pie, a kettle chips jumbo pack and Wotsits. Is there room for people’s limited edition replicas? They’re worth a lot.
I know about the mating stuff. I can be midwife etc. Plus I read a book on protecting your testes from The Greys.
There’s a girl at Costcutters who seems ideal (fertile with access to tinned goods). Could you ask? I’m banned.
Greg
p.s. I’m doing a podcast when judgement day’s upon us, is it ok to hook my transmitter up to the car? That’d be great.
Hi Greg,
I’m banned too but we could ask Tony. Tea towels are fine. We haven’t worked out mating but Tony’s a hermaphrodite. We’ll care for his offspring post-The Reckoning. I only breed during encounters of the fourth kind.
Not sure who else is coming. Larry (the security guard) seemed keen last week, but it could have just been the full moon. Plus he called the police on me even though it’s not against the law to use binoculars.
I think there’s room for toys but bring receipts in case we need to barter in the eminent dystopia. Podcast should be fine.
See you Sunday – please wear comfortable shoes.
All the best,
Kate
Hi Kate,
They’re not toys. Ok, see you Sunday.
Greg